Three years and nine months ago… (The night before the wedding)
“Explain to me again why you can’t just ask your Gran to bring the necklace to the hotel tomorrow?” Eric asked as he closed the passenger door behind her.
“Because I know how much that necklace means so much to her. You weren’t there when she asked me if I could wear it in the wedding as my something borrowed. It was the last gift Grandaddy gave her before he passed on. How could I tell her that I’ve forgotten to bring it?”
“You’ve got bride-brain, you’re bound to forget a thing or two.”
She pursed her lips and stabbed Eric with a hard look. “She was there when I was packing. She gave me the look when she found a questionable set of lingerie I was bringing to Mexico. What would she think if I tell her, ‘Um, Gran, do you mind bringing your pearls because I kinda forgot about them on account of all the skimpy clothes I need to bring to keep my husband entertained.”
“That doesn’t sound bad at all,” he teased as they reached porch of the farmhouse.
She slapped him in the shoulder before she reached for the keys inside her sling purse. “Besides Gran’s busy with her slumber party.” Gran would be spending the night in the Fortenberrys along with few of their longtime friends.
“Yeah, what’s the deal with that? Is that some kind of Bon Temps tradition?”
“Somethin’ like that,” she hummed as she stepped inside the dark, empty house.
“I’m literally squeaking in these damn pants,” Eric grumbled as he flicked the light switch on behind the coat rack.
Sookie made a sound that was a cross between a giggle and a snort as she locked the front door behind him. “Will you stop complainin’? Nobody forced you to wear those skinny jeans.”
“First of all, these are suit pants. Pam said it’s the next big thing in men’s fashion.”
She couldn’t hold in her giggle anymore. “And when did you take fashion advice from your sister?”
“Since she told me, in so many words, that she’ll postpone moving out if I don’t wear these damned slacks.”
Sookie chuckled even louder. Pam really knew how to manipulate her brother.
“The entire first floor is literally drowning with boxes. She needs to get rid of her girly stuff before we return from Cabo to make room for your girly stuff.”
Sookie twirled to face him, a hand sliding up and down his white buttoned-down shirt, “About that, Gran is asking if we mind staying for a couple more weeks here after the honeymoon.”
Eric’s brows furrowed. “Here? In your Gran’s house?”
She nodded with a small grin. “I know it’s gonna be hard to drive back and forth from here to Shreveport but I think we can manage. It’s Gran, Eric. You know I can’t say no to her.”
“But how can I do all my dirty work on you with her in the next room?” Eric tried to reason. “Plus your tiny bed is a hundred-year-old, it creaks when I sneeze.”
Her arms snaked behind his neck as she pulled his face to hers. “Please? Just for 20 days.”
“Twenty?!” He pushed back. “I thought it was only for two weeks?”
“Twenty, twenty-nine, what’s the difference?”
“Twenty-fucking-nine? That’s a month, Sookie,” he burst out loud.
“Please?” she hummed as she grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him to close their gap. “We can be as dirty as we want in Cabo,” she purred as she worked the top button. He groaned and she could see his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. She bit her lip as her fingers crawled their way to his neck, pulling him down until the tips of their noses touch. He angled his head and darted out his tongue to lick her bottom lip. She smiled then gave him a soft kiss before she leaned in and bit his earlobe softly then whispered, “I’m bringing that red polka dot bikini that makes your eyes pop out of their sockets.”
His chest heaved as he let out a guttural growl. “Please, Sookie. These pants can’t get any tighter.”
“You better take it off then.”
He grabbed her shoulder, untangled himself from her and gave her an incredulous look. “Don’t start anything you can’t follow-through,” he warned. He was a liar, he wanted this badly. She could practically feel the need pulsing off his skin.
“What’s the matter, Sheriff?” she purred, batting her lashes exaggeratedly. “You really should take advantage, after all, this is your last night as a bachelor.”
His lips curved to the side, mischief was unmistakable in his pale blue eyes. “My fiancée will cut my dick off if she finds out.”
“Your fiancee huh?” she husked, assuming her role in the play. “Is she as hot as me?”
She smirked before she began kissing his throat which made him grunt and shut his eyes. “Pretty?”
He opened his eyes and hooked a finger under her chin to tip her head up. “Like you wouldn’t believe.”
She couldn’t help but grin as her cheeks flared up.
“Honestly, I don’t think I deserve her,” he murmured then leaned in to place a soft kiss at the side of her mouth. “She’s my world. And I don’t care where we live as long as I get to come home to her.”
Her eyes widened. Dog burn it. He did it. He managed to turn the table around and now she was the one with the weak knees. She opened her mouth to say something but he never gave her the chance to get another word out as he crushed his lips against hers. In one swift manuever he managed to seize her by the waist and push her against the wall, the back of her head accidentally flicking the light switch off.
They didn’t mind the darkness though. Eric’s hands were all over her, blindly reaching for the zipper at the back of her yellow spaghetti strap dress. He hooked his thumbs around the thin straps and pulled her top down to the waist then started kissing her collarbone all the way to her cleavage. She was panting as she struggled with the buttons of his shirt. Eric caught her mouth again and plunged his tongue deep inside. His hunger was contagious, consuming, she could barely keep up. She should have known better than to unleash the beast in him. Her thumbs tugged at his waistband until she found the hook that was holding his pants together. She easily unlatched the darned thing but encountered resistance with the zipper.
“Fuck!” she cursed in his mouth.
He chortled breathily. “Patience, love, we’ll get there.”
She pushed him back and he groaned at the loss of contact. “What?” he asked, obviously annoyed at the interruption.
“Your zip’s stuck.”
He reluctantly backed away further and started tugging the zipper. “Shit! It snagged my boxers.”
She couldn’t help but laugh.
“This isn’t funny,” he griped.
“Actually, it is,” she volleyed back, then cupped her mouth with her hand to muffle another bout of giggle. “Maybe it’s a sign. It’s the universe’s way of telling us we should be abstaining.”
“I don’t seem to remember you giving a fuck what the universe wants when you’re bribing me sex earlier.”
“Besides, I don’t give a rat’s ass what the universe wants. I want you.” He let go of the zipper and snatched her wrist. “C’mon sweetheart, I need scissors, a knife, a fucking machete, anything I can use to split these damned pants open.”
“Are you serious?” She was incredulous as he dragged her to the kitchen.
“I don’t joke about sex, Sookie,” his tone was unbelievably stern as he started rummaging the kitchen drawers like a madman. It would have been easier if they had turned on the lights. He seemed determined to tear his pants apart so she decided to help him.
“Here,” she said, handing him a pair of shears. “Do you want me to turn on the lights?”
He shook his head. “This isn’t surgery; just give me a minute.”
She whisked around, her back to him. There was nothing romantic with what he was doing and somehow she doubted even Eric could make it look sexy. “Be careful,” she murmured. “I swear if you injure yourself before the wedding, I’ll fly solo to Cabo. I’m sure I can find a cute cabana boy to —”
Her breath hitched as she felt something hard pressing against the small of her back.
He grabbed her by the middle and swiveled her toward him. Her heart raced at the sight of his bare torso. His pants and boxers pooled around his ankles revealing just how hard he was.
“You saying something about a cute cabana boy?” he intoned, pulling them flush together before he started circling his hips slowly.
“Na-ah, I didn’t say anythin’,” she husked, shaking her head like an idiot.
He smirked. “That’s what I thought.” He swept his lips over hers and kissed her hard as his hand began its descent to her thighs. His free hand tugged at his hair gently to tip her head as he started kissing her neck. His middle finger slipped inside the flimsy material underneath her skirt and stroked her.
“Fuck me,” he hissed against her clavicle when he realized she was bare – literally hairless – down there.
She bit lip to stifle a triumphant smile. The previous night, Pam and Amelia treated her to a spa night. The initial plan was to get a bikini wax along with her full body scrub, but Pam got overly excited and suggested to go Brazilian. It was supposed to be a surprise for their honeymoon.
“Pam’s idea,” she murmured.
“My sister’s pimping my bride. That’s mildly disturbing,” Eric mumbled, making her grin.
“Do you like it?”
Without warning he went down on his knees and hoisted her leg up. “Very much,” he hushed, his hot breath blowing through the sheer fabric of her silk panties made her toes curl. She took as sharp breath, her cheeks flaming, as she closed her eyes and waited for bliss.
She tensed up. The sound was faint but unmistakable – it was the lock of the front door snapping. Eric must have heard it too because he scrambled to his feet just as they heard the distinct creak of the door yawning open.
“Isn’t that Eric’s car parked in your driveway?” She recognized the high, condescending pitch that could only belong to their neighbor Maxine Fortenberry.
Eric almost stumbled as he tried to pull his pants up. “What’re they doing here?” he hissed.
“Shh, they might hear us,” she shushed him before she seized his arm and dragged him into the pantry. She squeezed herself in with her back was against the shelves while Eric was facing her, almost naked, with his still erect dick pressing against her stomach. It wasn’t an ideal position but she was frantic.
“My pants won’t go all the way up,” he whispered as he pressed hard against her inside the cramped space. The lack of elbow room hindered Eric from making any effort to pull his pants up that got stuck around his knees.
She clapped a hand over his mouth to silence him while she tried to listen harder.
“Maybe Jason parked it here. I heard him talking to Eric about the Corvette during dinner,” Gran’s voice sounded terrifyingly clearer now, which only meant she was getting closer to the kitchen.
“Hoyt! Step away from that car!” Maxine yelled. “I can see you drooling from here.”
Her Gran laughed briefly. “Leave the boy alone, Maxine.”
“Cheese and rice, I don’t know what’s wrong with that boy and his fascination with the color red. It’s like I raised a bull.”
“I sense we’re not talking about the Corvette anymore,” Gran spoke again, this time her voice sounded distant, which gave Sookie a little reprieve.
Eric wiggled his head to free his mouth. “What’s the plan, Stackhouse? We’re just gonna hide here and pray no one finds us and my bare ass.”
“D’you have a better idea?” she sniped back.
Eric opened his mouth for a moment then shut it again.
“That cheeto-haired girl is bad news for my Hoyt, I can feel it in my belly. A mother’s intuition is never wrong. Never.”
“I remember having that same feeling in my gut when my son brought Michelle home. She was a city girl and I thought she would only break my baby boy’s heart. But I still gave her a chance and she gave me two more reasons to live. Two more reasons to love her,” Gran’s tone was softer and it was making Sookie’s throat tight. “You’re not getting any younger Maxine. Don’t you want to have grandkids of your own? If you’re as fortunate as me, you’ll live long enough to see them walk down the aisle.”
“I guess havin’ a couple of ginger babies runnin’ around the front lawn wouldn’t be so bad.” There was a pause before Maxine spoke again. “Oh no, nonono. You better save those tears for tomorrow, Adele!”
Sookie felt Eric squeeze her hand. It felt like a soft kiss on the lips and she couldn’t help but smile.
“We better get movin’,” Maxine’s voice rose a few octaves again. “Where d’you keep your mahjong tiles?”
“They’re in that green leather box below the TV. Why don’t you grab it while I go look for some nibbles.”
Sookie and Eric stiffened at the same time. Nibbles equaled kitchen. Sookie held her breath as her grandmother’s unmistakable footsteps echoed. Eric must be thinking the same thing as he squirmed as he scrambled to pull up the waist of his pants.
“I think I still have some cheese crostini and biscotti in the pantry.”
Shit. Shit. Shit.
Sookie ran out of brilliant ideas. So out of desperation, she did the only thing she could do to save Eric a little shred of dignity: she grabbed his ass. Her small hands did very little to cover his cheeks before light flooded the dark pantry as the double doors yawned open.
“Sweet mother of Joseph!” Gran yelled before she slammed the door shut.
Sookie could only close her eyes in shame as she buried her head in her fiance’s chest.
Maxine’s heavy footfalls echoed in the house as she rushed to the kitchen. “What is it?” their neighbour asked.
There was a thud as the doors caved in. She didn’t have to be a detective to know that her Gran had blocked the doors.
“A butt!” Gran squealed. “I meant bat, bat, I– I saw a bat.”
“Oh God,” Eric sighed quietly as he hung his head. There was no wiggle room for them inside the pantry, especially with the doors pushed inside.
“A bat?” Maxine asked.
“Uh-huh. A bat,” Gran lied.
“Oh dear, do you want me to call Hoyt? My boy can scare off that vermin in two shakes.”
“No!” her Gran almost yelled.
Sookie shut her eyes even more tightly as she cursed to herself. As if being caught mid-nasty by her grandmother wasn’t bad enough, now Maxine, the most judgmental gossipmonger in all of Bon Temps, was closing in too.
“It’s Sookie’s pet.”
The hell it is.
“I didn’t know Sookie has a bat.” Maxine’s tone was beginning to sound suspicious, making Sookie’s heart pummel like a drum out of tune. And if Eric’s clammy chest heaving against her shoulder was any indication, he was as tensed as her too, if not more. After all, his bare ass was their first line of defense. And if those doors swing open again, he would be mooning more than one old lady.
“Yes. She calls it Eric.” Sookie was a little taken aback by how her Gran could easily weave a string of fibs.
“Eric?” Maxine asked. “She named a bat after her betrothed?”
“You know Sookie, that girl likes to keep things interestin’,” Gran stammered nervously.
“Maybe Hoyt can catch Eric and put him in a box somewhere until Sookie comes back from her honeymoon.”
Eric let out a defeated grunt. Sookie was feeling deflated and frustrated too. Eloping to Mexico was sounding better and better every darned second.
“That is mighty sweet of you dear. But I don’t want to trouble Hoyt with this,” Gran said. Sookie imagined her grandmother waving a dismissive hand in the air. “I’ll just jam a chair in the handles and call Jason. He can take care of this. Why don’t you you go and tell Hoyt to start the truck while I go and lock up here. Our friends must be wonderin’ what’s takin’ us so long.”
Sookie said a silent prayer as she waited for Mrs. Fortenberry’s reply.
“Alright. If you’re sure.” The squeaking of Maxine’s flat shoes against the tiles in the kitchen floor was music to Sookie’s ears. She felt a burst of warm air on top of her head and she realized it was coming from Eric as he let out a huge sigh of relief.
They had evaded a colossal shit storm. Now, for Hurricane Adele.
One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Sookie began counting mentally as she waited for the mother of all berating. Eric also hadn’t so much as twitch as they braced themselves for the inevitable.
Seventeen… Eighteen… Nine—
“What is the matter with you two?” Sookie held her breath as her grandmother hissed. Knowing her Gran, she was only getting warmed up. “Would it kill you to wait for another night to do whatever that is you’re doin’?”
The doors swayed as Eric fumbled to yank his pants up.
“Don’t come out!” Gran shushed while keeping the doors steady. “Maxine might be watchin’. Bless that woman’s heart, but she has never been accused of being discreet.”
“I’m so sorry Gran,” Sookie hushed.
“Sookie no, it’s me who should apologize,” Eric straightened his spine as he place a finger over her mouth. “I apologize Adele. Truly. For what it’s worth, Sookie started it.”
Sookie slapped his hand away furiously and punched his chest. “Why, you!”
“Sorry but she scares me,” was his excuse.
“Hush! Both of you!” her Gran’s gritty voice froze them. “I don’t give a damn who started whatever that was. But for the love of all that is holy, can you please… please wait until tomorrow night? And for my sanity, can you refrain from doing it where I store food.”
Maybe in time, in ten years perhaps, all three of them could look back and laugh this night off. Who knew, maybe when they get back from Cabo, if they ever return from Cabo. But this time, at this exact moment, all Sookie could feel was the burning of her cheeks and the overwhelming need to apologize to her Gran.
“I’m sorry, Adele.” Eric beat her to the punch. This time though, she felt the gravitas in those six syllables.
“I’m sure we can both agree that I’ve seen enough of you, Eric. I think it’s time you start callin’ me Gran.”
Sookie bit her lip to stop from grinning as Eric said, “We’re so sorry for this, Gran.”
“I accept your apology. Now, can you two stay there a tad longer while I take my leave?”
“Of course, Gran,” Sookie replied right away.
“Tidy up before you go and make sure to lock the door.” Gran was in her usual Gran mode and it made Sookie feel a little better. Eric’s bunched up muscles in his torso loosen too.
“You can take your hand off my ass now,” Eric whispered. Amid the panic, she hadn’t realized her other hand was still clutching his left ass-cheek.
Before she could plunge back into the pool of embarrassment, Gran’s hushed voice pierced the thick air again. “Oh Eric, when you go to Mexico, get a tan will you? Your butt is so pale it practic’lly glows in the dark.”
A/N: Thank you for reading this outtake. If you haven’t read Slaying Dragons yet, it’s on my FF.net account under eys1214. I will post the SD chapters here too soon. Thanks again! Let me know what you think? xo